I'll never forget when I was getting ready to make my amateur website live almost four years ago, my good friend warned me...
"Remember that "Porn Star" is a label that lives with you forever so be prepared for the negative feedback from some. Once your photos are on the Internet, they are there forever."
I have always been a non-judgmental person. I only surrounded myself with the same, so I never really took the advise to heart, because I didn't have anyone in my close circle that would judge me on my decisions, because after all, I am a good person, and unless someone told you I had a "porn" website, you would never in a million years guess I would do such a thing if you met me in person. I don't go around announcing my private affairs, I don't take drugs, nor do I dress or act the part.
I was reminded of this conversation last year when someone I barely knew went prying in my personal affairs and discovered my secret, and it was devastating to say the least. How can someone call themselves a Christian and do the things they have done? The Christian thing to do would be to offer to take one to church and be a better person, not try to destroy someone's life because their morals are different. Sin is sin, and purposely trying to destroy someone's life is far worse than taking nudie pictures and posting them on the Internet. Period.
With that being said, I am not a "Porn Star", porn stars are treated like royalty. Look at all the porn stars, they make a crap load of money, and do far worse than I have ever or will ever do on film. I have never posed in photos with a bunch of men, I am not a whore and I am not doing anything in my bedroom that my neighbors are not doing or WISH they were doing, except I am recording it - Big Whoop-Di-Do! Hey we all have sex. What's the big flippen deal?
You can go to the gas station right now and pick up a porno mag for a few bucks and see far worse than you will view on my website. I don't understand, a girl can pose for Playboy and be looked up too, but if you have an amateur website your a WHORE. What's the difference? 90% of my photos are me posing in sexy lingerie and high heels and I have ONE, I repeat ONE male guest in my photos - the same male, so how does that make me a whore?
The truth is that I take sexy photographs and put them on the Internet to make money. Nothing I would even consider porn except in the most prudish manner. Nakid pictures are nothing to get all hot and bothered over, at least in this sense. Most of my pictures show me scantily clad or fondling myself. Hell, what's wrong with fondling yourself?
The reason I am writing about this today, is I have just been reminded again this past weekend, how true my girlfriends advise was... I will always be labeled, and it is something I will have to live with forever, regardless if my site is still on the Internet or not. So if people are going to talk about me either way whether it is my past or my present - Might as well hold my head up high and live my life the way I chose to do so. I cant make people like me, and that's just what it all boils down too.
I do find it odd that I am being looked at like a monster, uhhh HELLO! I'm not the only chick in the world posing nude for the camera! Hell, for all you know your own neighbor could have a website, I personally have friends who have websites that are in every profession you could imagine from the cashier at the department store, airline stewardess, hair dressers, realtors to city employees!
Lets not forget Hollywood Starlets...
Britney Spears, giving the media crotch shots, sans her panties, Paris Hilton and Pamela Anderson make sex videos, Vanessa Williams - She was Miss America at one time, before Penthouse published nude photos she had posed for when she was 18. Guess what, they are all REAL people, and their family and friends stuck by them, they didn't throw them out like garbage.
I could go on and on....
American Idol - Normal everyday people posing nude on the Internet.... Frenchie worked for a porn/cam site and was kicked off American Idol, however she went on to lead a successful career on Broadway, Antonella Barba a young girl from last season had racey photos appear on the Internet, and on the current 2008 season there is a guy on there who used to be a male stripper - People still watch the show, they are not a "disgrace" to their families or the World as they get up on the stage then and NOW!
The reason I use American Idol, as an example, because they are "normal" people, who have done the same thing - naughty photos on the Internet. You know what, they have had to deal with the media, and their private business being told to the entire world, kinda like what someone tried to do to me... The only difference is their friends and family stuck by them, comforted them, and told them it would be "ok".....
You know what? Really, who cares? Ill stop there, but really I could do this all day long.
So, What's the big deal?
We all want to have sex, we all want to think we're beautiful, sexy, hot. We all have problems, but me posing on the Internet is NOT one of your problems, so quit making it one.
We all need love and understanding and there is so much more to life than to worry about what everyone else is doing, and life is much more enjoyable when you have an open heart and an open mind and just accept the fact that we are all unique and different and some just may live a little bit different than you, but that does not make them a bad person.
Someone you know posing nude on the Internet should be the farthest from your worries, there are drug dealers, kidnappers, murderers out there on the streets, our corrupt government - your worries or concerns should be focused on something more significant where it actually affects your quality of life.
My bedroom activities does not involve you, therfore is not of your concern.
I never told you, and if you were not snooping through my private affairs, you would have NEVER known! So you have no one to blame but your own self, all the hurt, anger and whatever else you feel you brought upon yourself... It's not my fault. Who does what you did to me? I have never heard of anyone doing these things to another person. How do you not feel ashamed for your actions? I could not do to my WORST enemy, what you have done to me. What you did was far worse than PORN.
I can only say, we all have a past and secrets we don't want others to know. Those who live in glass houses should not throw stones. And you have the biggest glass house, of anyone I know. You may not agree with PORN, but I don't agree with your past or present for that matter - but I never smeared your name through the mud, called you out on your mistakes, nor judged you. It's your life, you have to look at yourself in the mirror each morning as do I, and if your ok with what you see in the mirror then that's all that matters.
Bottom line: Live and let live.
